Internal Struggles; a call to growth.

I try my absolute hardest to keep my internal struggles to myself, but I am human, I am going to crumble, fall, and make mistakes. Not everyone is perfect and need not to show the imperfect side of them. The most beautiful thing anyone can do is to show all sides as to who they are. And this is my side, I do not want to look at myself at the moment as this bride who's living through rose gold glass. Sometimes, life gets difficult and we feel as though we are losing a part of who we are as time goes on. We feel as though our youthful years have slipped us by and we hold onto this hard bitterness that makes us look older than what we truly are.

With two dogs, a traveling fiance, and a slight demand on my dream job, my current job is the only thing that is alleviating a portion of the stress that I give myself on a day-to-day basis (but of course I can stress myself out at this job too). I have come to realize it is your mindset, and controlling my mind has been something I have been trying to calm down since I turned twenty-three.

Back in the year twenty-thirteen my Aunt took me to my very first yoga class. It was the worst experience of my life. My mind raced, I was going through a post-traumatic stage in my life, I wanted to run away from anywhere that felt unfamiliar, and all I wanted to do was to lay in my bed and watch TV. I felt safe there, but my Dad forced me to go with her and immediately I regretted it. Keeping my mind calm during the session drove me mad, I couldn't focus on calming down. My fight or flight mode kept going off like a false alarm which didn't help with this serene experience. I felt exhausted and slightly defeated. I enjoyed the company there afterwards, but little did I know that with each tiny moment of going outside started my process of healing.

My Aunt Nicole moved to Colorado in the following months and gifted me with yoga classes to take on my own. I had no choice but to go, but this time on my own. I immediately regretted not enjoying the first class with the company. I knew this was a personal effort on my part, but I had to take the first step. So, on a Saturday morning I went to my first class alone, and I loved it. I focused on staying present and living in the moment and to really allow myself to breathe. My anxiety lessened in the months to follow, and that tiny false alarm in my mind silenced itself.

Yoga truly is the key to healing, and with so many things going on in my life I need to get back to my practice. Each day is a new stepping stone to learning how to function in this world. I have so many dreams, and so does Justin. Together I believe that practicing yoga together will be that gateway into learning so much more about each other that words cannot describe, only with what can be felt with emotions. ~ *

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others." ~ Peace Pilgrim

-This is me, and this is my journey into finding peace within myself-